You Really Need To Lay Off The Sugar!
by ThePurpleRose
Summary: After New Earth, the Doctor starts acting strangely. Human medicine, Time Lords and Sugar don't mix. Rose, Jackie and the Doctor find this out the hard way. Please read and review! COMPLETE!
1. The Banana Crisis and Murderous Mother

AN: Yep, this idea just randomly came to me when I watched Doctor Who last night

**AN: Yep, this idea just randomly came to me when I watched Doctor Who last night. I don't quite know how; it was just this random thought that sort of lingered. So I ****thought, why not, and decided to see if I could make a halfway decent story out of it. And here goes…**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did, would I posting this on here?**_

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That was just nasty. He was absolutely covered in human medicine that tasted disgusting and smelt like hospitals, which gave him the creeps especially after that, and to top it all off, Rose wanted to see her mum so she could give her that vase she'd bought for her on Barcelona (the planet not the city!). Did she really want to condemn him to death by Jackie Tyler that badly? 'Cause if she did then she was going the right way about it!

That's right, the Doctor was not happy.

"Oh come on Doctor! Please!" Rose urged pulling his soaked arm to force him to catch sight of her supreme puppy dog eyes.

He did, unfortunately for him, and they had the desired effect of making him give in. "Fine," he said, hating himself for doing it. "We'll go to your mother's but I'm showering first and I expect a cup of tea out of her and some chips out of you!"

Rose grinned. "Thanks!" She made to hug him, but remembered he was wet and smelt kinda funny so bounded off into the TARDIS to collect Jackie's gift vase.

The Doctor busied himself setting the controls and within minutes, they were on their way to the Powell Estate. He massaged his cheek, silently apologising to it for what he was about to put it through.

This was Jackie Tyler he was off to see and his cheek was highly likely to get caught in the cross-fire. He sincerely hoped she wouldn't slap him.

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Jacqueline Andrea Suzette Tyler was in the kitchen when she heard the TARDIS. She continued with her washing up. They could come to her for once. Besides, they hadn't been gone for long this time. It was nice to know they were keeping their promise to visit more often.

"Mum, it's me!" her daughter's voice came from the doorway.

"Rose!" Jackie cried, shaking the soapy water from her hands as she rushed to hug her daughter.

When Jackie let her go, Rose placed her bag on the floor carefully, removing a pretty blue vase, carved with intricate alien symbols. She presented it to Jackie with a grin.

"It's from Barcelona," she stated proudly. "No, Mum, not Spain; It's a planet. The grass is purple and they've got these dogs with no noses! The Doctor told me not to mention sniffer-dogs there in case I upset any of the locals, then we had orange ice-cream and it was gorgeous!"

During Rose's animated description of her visit to Barcelona, Jackie had placed the vase on her counter for now and steered her daughter to the sofa. She'd also realised that something was missing.

She cut Rose off from talking about ice-cream, "Where is he then? He 'asn't left you, 'as he?"

Rose laughed, "No, he's in the shower. We've just come back from New Earth and he got covered in all this sticky, medicine stuff when he went to visit the face of Boe. I expect he'll be here soon. I was gonna wait for him but I was all ready and he was taking ages in the shower so I told him I was coming up and left him. I think he's being slow on purpose 'cause you scare him."

"Good," Jackie stated with a smile. She paused while Rose laughed then began to fill Rose in on Tina the Cleaner's break up with her med-student partner.

She wasn't very pleased when she was interrupted by the Doctor, who came sprinting through the door to the flat, slamming it behind him, to jump on top of Rose and shake her shoulders. "Rose!" he exclaimed. "Rose! It's a full scale emergency! It's awful! I've never seen anything like it! I'm so sorry, Rose!"

Worry was plain to see in Rose's eyes as she studied the Doctor's serious face and the panic in his eyes. "Doctor, what is it? What's happened? Is the TARDIS okay?" she demanded.

He took a deep breath then said solemnly, "Rose, I don't know how to tell you this but… We've run out of bananas!"

Rose's jaw dropped and her eyebrows rose. "You jumped on me and got me all worried for that?! I thought there was something really wrong then!"

The Doctor gasped and jumped backwards off Rose's legs to land on the floor by the coffee table on his bum. "Rose," he ordered. "Take that back! It's a major crisis! The bananas, Rose, think of the bananas!" He looked up to the ceiling, smiling a blissful smile. "Bananas are gooood!"

Rose's eyebrows lowered into a frown. The Doctor noticed and burst out laughing; her eyebrows were dancing! He knew there was a reason he liked humans.

"Doctor, you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah!" he answered excitedly. "I'm fantastic! Ooh, that doesn't quite sound right with these teeth. How about brilliant? Yeah, brilliant! Rose Tyler you are amazing! I mean, brilliant. Well, you're that too. Anyway, I want chips… and bananas! Lots and lots of bananas… and chips! Love 'em! Honestly, what is with you humans and your chips? You can't seem to get enough of them! You travel across entire galaxies and you still want chips for tea! Nothing but chips! Chips! Chips! Chips! Mind you, they really are something."

Jackie cut in, "You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine and dandy!" the Doctor stated, seating himself on an armchair close to the TV.

"Doctor, I don't think you should've had those sugary shortbread biscuits with your cuppa before we went to New Earth," Rose told him.

The Doctor looked hurt. "Rose, are you saying I'm hyper on sugar? I'm not by the way! I'm a Time Lord and I don't get hyper on sugar – not ever! Rose, are you saying I shouldn't have sugar full stop?"

Rose nodded. "No sugar," she repeated.

"But I might die! Rose, if I don't have sugar, my blood sugar levels will drop reeeeaaaaaaaally low and then I will collapse and die! I don't wanna die Rose!" he wailed, diving to the floor and latching onto Rose's legs. "I've got nice hair! Besides, it's a crime to die just so you can die looking good! Do you want that on your conscience?"

"I think he's on more than just sugar!" Jackie decided.

"Doctor, get off my legs!" Rose ordered. "I need to nip to the loo!"

"No," the sulky Time Lord replied. "Not until you let me have sugar again!"

Rose sighed, "Fine."

"Ha! I'm still not letting go."

"Doctor!"

"Fine."

"Thank you," Rose said as she left to use Jackie's loo.

The Doctor pulled himself up onto the sofa beside Jackie. "So?" he questioned. "You're alive. How's that going for you?"

Jackie, for once in her life, was speechless. "Erm…. Good, thanks. You sure you're sure you're alright?"

"Yep," He answered. "Surey McSure Sure!" He paused, then frowned. "Actually, I have a headache."

"D'you want me to get you some aspirin?" She asked, smiling sympathetically at him.

His eyes widened in shock and horror as he leapt over the sofa, running to the bathroom, where he proceeded to hammer on the door.

"Rose!" he yelled. "Your mum's trying to kill me! Rose! Rose! Let me in!"

"Doctor," came the muffled voice form within the bathroom. "I'm on the loo!"

Jackie got up off the sofa and made to go into the kitchen to get him a glass of water and some sleeping pills just in case he went all psycho on her – not that he hadn't already.

He shrieked and sank down the door. "Rose, this is a life or death situation! She's coming to kill me! She's gonna poison me to death!"

"Doctor, it's fine. My mum's not trying to kill you," Rose explained from in the bathroom.

Jackie stopped getting the sleeping pills and walked over to him. He curled up into a ball as she approached, protecting his head with his back still to the bathroom door.

"Is aspirin like poison to you?" Jackie enquired.

"Like you didn't know!" the Doctor snapped. "Rose! She's still at it! Help!"

Jackie sighed; she was so never going to give him sugar. "You're forgettin' I'm not an alien. How could I know when you 'aven't told me?"

"Magic," the Doctor suggested as Rose opened the door to the bathroom and kicked him in the back before realising he was there.

She shook her head. "You have got to lay off the sugar!"

The jolt after that kick knocked some sense into the Doctor. "It's nothing to do with sugar! She's trying to kill me!" he retorted, before realising exactly what was going on. "No."

"No what?" Rose asked with a sigh.

"No, No she's not," the Doctor concluded. "Jackie Tyler is not trying to kill me, I think."

"It took you long enough!" Jackie commented. "And what do you mean, you think?"

"Shut up, Jackie! I'm thinking!" the Doctor snapped again.

"Not too hard I hope," Jackie muttered under her breath.

"Ah, that's what I was going to say!" the Doctor revealed. "Human medicine plays havoc with my Time Lord biology. I got covered in it and it tastes disgusting!" He pulled a face to show that disgust.

"So you swallowed it?" Rose questioned.

The Doctor nodded. "I must've done, yeah."

"You idiot!" Rose exclaimed.

Jackie frowned, "Wait, you said aspirin's like poison to you. It's human medicine; won't there be some in whatever you swallowed?"

"Can I have a cup of tea, please? Two sugars."

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**AN: I was gonna write more this chapter but I've run out of time so I'm just gonna put up what I've got written now.**

**Next chapter: the TARDIS is raining, the Doctor tries to invent banana flavoured tea and think Rose is drowning in a sea of quilts.**

**I need feedback!**

**Please review :-p**


	2. TARDIS Rain and The Quilt Sea

AN: Yeah, I know I've been ages updating but I've been updating other stuff too (although most of it still unfinished but at least I started to write it

**AN:**** Yeah, I know I've been ages updating but I've been updating other stuff too (although most of it still unfinished but at least I started to write it!). Anyway, I'm back and writing… well typing really but that's not the point!**

_**Disclaimer:**__** I don't own Doctor Who in any way but I do have some sugar in my house so it's all good (except for the bit where I don't own Doctor Who).**_

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Rose checked her watch for the fourth time that minute; the Doctor had gone back to the TARDIS without her so that he could shower again. His excuse was that he had to get rid of as much residual medicine as possible so that he didn't go any crazier than he already was. Jackie, who was pretty sure that wasn't possible, decided that he just didn't want to be around her in case she was provoked to slap him.

"Cuppa tea, Rose?" Jackie asked, jolting Rose from her imaginings of the Doctor leaving without her in his craziness.

She paused to consider it. "Erm… Yes please."

Jackie sighed, "I'll put the kettle on. D'you think he'll want a cuppa?"

"Yep," Rose replied. The Doctor did love his tea and he'd told her on the way to Barcelona that Jackie made a great cup of tea.

"Then I'll make three," Jackie resolved.

As she sat back down again, the only noise was next-door's telly and the kettle boiling. After a few minutes of silence, Jackie felt it was her duty to make some noise.

"Tell me about those orange ice-creams you had in Spain," She said, knowing the Rose would never be able to avoid correcting her mistake.

"No, not Spain, Mum," Rose answered, proving Jackie right. "Barcelona is a planet that has dogs with no noses. And the orange ice-cream was just delicious! It tasted a bit like fruit but mostly like those ginger nut biscuits we have here."

Jackie was cut off from replying by the sound of the kettle. "Be back in a minute Rose, keep talking," She told her daughter as she got up to get the tea.

"Rose!"

Rose was sure she'd heard a muffled yell from behind the door. She was sure she'd heard the Doctor.

"Rose!" It was louder that time. She got up.

The door was flung open to reveal a dishevelled Doctor with dripping wet hair. "Rose! You'll never guess what!"

"Sit down here," Rose ordered pointing to the seat beside her on the sofa. He obeyed, grinning inanely. "What?" she asked.

He urged, "Guess!"

"You just said I'd never guess," Rose protested.

"Go on! Guess! Guess!"

Jackie set down the cups of tea as Rose guessed, "You forgot to dry your hair?"

"Close but no," the Doctor replied.

"We're out of Oranges too?"

"Not even close."

Rose sighed. "Look, I don't know. What is it I'm supposed to have guessed?"

The Doctor grinned and said excitedly, "The TARDIS is raining!"

"That would be the shower," Rose explained.

The Doctor shook his head. "Is not!" he argued. "There was water coming from the ceiling when I was looking at my hair in the mirror."

"Yes," Rose said. "You were in the bathroom. The water came from the shower."

"It rained!" the Doctor insisted.

"No, it didn't," Rose explained with a sigh.

"Did too!"

"Oi!" Jackie interrupted. "Your tea is getting cold."

Both shut up and took a sip of tea from their respective cups. For a moment, Jackie was greeted with blissful silence then…

"Why doesn't it taste like bananas?" Jackie had never known the Doctor's voice could be that annoying.

"Because it's tea!" she snapped.

"Oh," he said quietly. He paused fro a moment before enquiring, "Jackie? Have you got any bananas?"

"Why?" Jackie asked suspiciously.

The Doctor smiled innocently. "I want to invent banana flavoured tea."

She sighed. "Just drink your tea."

"But it doesn't taste like bananas," the Doctor protested.

"That's because it's tea."

While Jackie and the Doctor argued, Rose thought about how to change the Doctor back to the overly talkative but clever Time Lord she loved so much. The answer hit her almost immediately, backed up by a cushion thrown by the Doctor.

"Oi!" She yelled, getting her mother and friend's attention. "Doctor is it like alcohol?"

The Doctor frowned. "What?"

"The sugar and medicine combination!" Rose answered.

He shrugged.

"Then he could sleep it off," she announced to her mother.

"I'll get him a quilt," Jackie replied, only too glad to be able to leave the crazy Time Lord, if only for a second.

When she returned, the Doctor had been persuaded by Rose to curl up on the sofa, looking very awkward. Jackie chucked the quilt at him and made for a kettle; tea really did make her day.

The Doctor flinched, not expecting to be covered by a quilt, then looked up to Rose and giggled insanely.

"Ha! Ha! You look like you're drowning in a sea of quilts!"

Rose rolled her eyes. As far as she was concerned, the sooner she got the old Doctor back, the better for all involved – namely her and possibly her mother.

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A very groggy Rose clambered out of bed to the sound of her alarm clock. She hadn't been able to get much sleep that night with all the getting up and ordering the hyperactive Doctor back to his quilt – or his 'sea' as he had dubbed it – and she wasn't very pleased, especially when she turned off her alarm clock. She could hear a scraping noise.

With a sigh, she ambled out of her room to remove the unfortunate object that was likely being defaced from the torture of the Doctor's 'improvements'. Of course, the 'improved object never again functions as what it was when he started and now, with all the medicine and sugar induced insanity, was something to do with bananas.

Sure enough, she found the Doctor leaning against the counter with a jar of marmalade in one hand and the other in his mouth.

"What are you doing now?" Rose enquired with an exasperated sigh.

He grinned inanely. "I'm eating marmalade, Rose Tyler. And I'm eating to fill up before we leave. I am going to take you to any place of your choosing," he told her.

Rose was shocked. He sounded normal. Well, as normal as the Doctor ever was, which wasn't very but it would do.

"So the TARDIS isn't raining and I'm not drowning in a sea of quilts?" she question.

He raised his eyebrows, eyeing her pyjamas. "Well, from the state of you, all dressed up in your jim-jams, I'm guessing you've just been sleeping in your quilt but right now, you're standing in your mother's flat looking at me like I've just sprouted another head. I haven't, have I? Because that happened to someone I knew once. He lost control of his regenerative whatsit – yes, that is a technical term – and started growing extra body parts in the worst of places." He took a breath. "So, where do you want to go?"

Rose smiled, pleased at the thought of having her Doctor back.

"I want to go to the Chip shop."

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**AN: yeah, I'm really sorry it's so rubbish but I was determined to finish it. I kinda lost interest and heart with this fic after I got that C2 with doomed fics. I just want to say that if you're going to say how rubbish it is, could you at least say why and tell me something I can do to improve it or it's really quite pointless doing it. Fanfiction is a site that's ****meant for fanfic authors to share their fics and get feedback to improve their writing. It doesn't improve the quality of my writing just by saying it's awful. Constructive criticism is welcome but flames alone are not.**

**Anyway, I may go back and make this better if you people want me to.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or read this fic. You are what made me finish it. These people (reviewers) are the best:**

**Special agent kibbs**

**Protector of the Gray Fortress**

**9ud9ir190ne6ad**

**Sukie-san**

**tellie**

**Major thanks to you all! Sorry this chapter is such a disappointment. Though, like I said, I might go back and improve this.**

**I will still read reviews! They make me smile!**

**Please review :-P**


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